I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
