I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
