The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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