Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Michael Bay diarrhea
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
FUCK WHALES
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
