I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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