I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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