When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
