My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
