you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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