it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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