Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have demons in me.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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