Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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