why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
