i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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