Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
