the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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