I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
