He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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