dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
