I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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