she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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