He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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