we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
