She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
