i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
