if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
