I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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