Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
