Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i've created a new STD.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
