Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
