Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
