my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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