Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just blew my weed a kiss
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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