Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
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