since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
