They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
