We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
