our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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