If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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