i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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