you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
