Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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