I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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