Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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