she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
