A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
