after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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