Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Swine flu is the new snow day.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
