Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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