i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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