He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So vagazzling was a success
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
