he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
