I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
