It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
