my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
